Back to WKU

Well I just finished my first week at WKU. It was an interesting week with the fact that it snowed, so I only had two days of classes. I have been praying about a job constantly for a month now. I just didn't know what to do about it, because I have a weird school schedule from registering late. So, I applied at WKU for a couple jobs and I heard back from one but somehow we never got connected to set up an interview. I guess I wasn't supposed to have that job. I'm OK with that, I've been praying that God would only open the doors that He wants me to go through; because honestly I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing. Well, Monday while I was trying to rest after my first two classes I had the idea that I could take a couple more classes instead of trying to find a job. So, I went and talked to my mom and she liked the idea. I quickly added two more classes which makes for a total of 6, or 18 hours. I've never taken more than 12 credit hours at a time, so I was a little nervous at first. But, I feel like I'm well equipped. I have an awesome laptop, which has Microsoft word suite on it. And I've already gotten all of my classes put onto a calendar. I feel very organized so far. I think this semester should go smooth. 

Also, there is a job opening here in town for an administrative assistant. And it seems like there would be possibility to move up later on if I wanted to. I'm excited about that, but I'm just trying to go through the doors that seem to open and then continue to pray about it. I feel really peaceful about everything that is going on. I'm happy, which I wasn't while I was in Nashville. I never thought I'd be back at Western this soon, but you never know what God's plan is. It makes me feel better to know that it's not all up to me to make the decisions for my future. Because if it was I'd really screw it up. 

I'm starting a step study on Tuesday. I'm so excited about it!! I know it's not going to be easy, but I feel like I will finally be able to work through some stuff in my life. And who knows maybe I'll come out of it with some really great friends. Mom got me the Life Recovery Bible as a late Christmas present. I love it so far, it's so easy to read. I feel like I finally have an idea of what people are always talking about when they say they can't put it down. I've never had that before. I've always had a hard time getting into the Bible, and being able to understand it. But I find myself reading way past the devotional reading. It's actually reading like stories, and I love that because I always love hearing people talk about the cool things they find in the Bible; but I can never find that for myself. 

I made it to Curves three times this week!! That's two weeks in a row! I'm very proud of myself for that, and I'm really starting to enjoy it again. Other that the fact that my knee hurts sometimes. I really need to go to the doctor about that, but I don't want to waste money if he's just going to tell me something stupid. Especially since it's feeling fine most of the time. But I don't need a long term injury either. I guess it's one thing at a time.  

Happy New Year!!

This is the year, the year that will change all future years that have yet to come. The year that I will turn 23, the Barnes and Noble year in my head. The year that I will officially become an adult(or so I thought when I was little). I just pray that last year's trials will help me to bear the ones to come. I learned a lot about myself this year, but I still have so much to learn. I realized that I really don't know anything. I also realized that Nashville is not the perfect town that it seemed 3 years ago.....

People always talk about New Years resolutions. What they want to have accomplished by the end of the year. I don't know if it's a way to track how we are doing in our lives, or if it's just another check list. I have in my backpack an issue of a wonderful magazine, who's name has escaped me at the moment, the magazine is all about lists. 

Real Simple!!! That's it, goodness if I'm this bad at 22..... anyway.

But it's about how to make lists to help you remember things, and it has different lists that you can copy, that sort of thing. Another thing that got me on this topic is that Susan and I went and saw "Marley and Me", which is an awesome movie; in there the girl has a list of what she wants done next in her life until she gets into her life then she realizes that what she has is better than anything that she could think of. 

The connection to me is that I had a list of what I thought I would have done in my life about a year or so ago. I hadn't met a guy, that was worth writing home about, so I just figured God didn't think it was my time yet. So, my way to deal with that was to plan out my life (I'm sure God was rolling His eyes at that, like I really know anything); anyway part of that was to get a career that would take up all of my time so I wouldn't realize I didn't have any body. I found a school that led to a job like that, and dreamt about that school for two years. I've always had something in the future that I was living for, because I wasn't ever happy with my current circumstances. Or I was being picked at so much that I was talked into thinking I couldn't be happy because of my weight. That didn't help the situation at all. Because my solution for being uncomfortable is to eat something. I'm on a tangent. 

This year my plans were shot, my list was torn up. God showed me that I don't know how to plan my life, because I don't know what is really going to happen in the future. Only He does. So, I moved to Nashville for 3 months then moved home (that is the short version). I also found a guy (well that was the year before, but he moved up here this year), we are serious and talking about marriage (only in future terms so don't start ring watching yet). The cool thing is that he seems to be what I prayed for, that doesn't mean it's easy but I feel like God will bless us. I just need to learn how to wait for God. Maybe make lists without it being my way of telling God what I'm going to be doing. 

My New Years resolution is different this year than it has been. My normal one is to lose weight; but through Celebrate Recovery I'm starting to realize that my weight is not the problem, rather it's the visible symptom of another problem(s). I'm not totally sure what that is yet, but I'm going to work on that. So, that is part of my resolution. To get to know myself better, and work on who I want to be instead of just staying busy and hoping I turn out alright. 

My other resolution is to live in the moment more. I have been living in the future for as long as I can remember. Always talking about what I'm going to do when I get done with where I am right now. I didn't realize that I was doing that. I don't want to miss out on my 20's. I want to travel some, and have fun. But I also want to get to know God. Because I don't want to be the driving force in my life, I can't see the road ahead so how can I do anything but crash? I don't really know what this all really means just yet, but I kinda feel like I'm coming out of a fog I didn't know I was in. Maybe this will be the beginning of a really awesome time in my life. I just have to keep giving God my fears, b/c I have a lot of them and they are the fog. Thank you God for this clarity. I give this to You, In Jesus Name Amen.